| Wither inside |
[Jul. 29th, 2005|01:46 pm] |
I think you are a very interesting person, tied up in all the grand that is mystery.
I wish I had a face to hide a life to lie about, all the while coming closer to all that you are.
I don't treat you like shit and don't even try not to. I'm tired of not hearing what you really say. Its a simple statement, I'm not good enough, and a simple truth. So find whoever you need to fill that empty spot in your life, who wont treat you like shit, who will find you interesting, who will walk in front of you straight into the soul piercing fires of oblivion holding your hand the whole way, who will remeber your birthday, your anniversarys good and bad, who will not judge you though you stumble, who will honestly love you and be faithful to you, who will try with all there might to get you anything you ask, who will work for your future, and remember your past, who will put that fucking platinum band on your finger, and be your fucking singer or rockstar, who will dedicate there soul to YOUR fucking existance, who will give blood body and bone to ensure your everlasting health and happiness, WHO WILL FUCKING LET YOU CRY ON THERE SHOULDERS EVERY NIGHT AND WHISPER IN YOUR EAR THAT IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT AND WIPE ALL THAT BLACK SHIT FROM YOUR EYE, and thats all just a privelage for me and only the beginning of what you could be winning if you stayed by my side. I guess its not enough or too much, like you dont want this stuff.....maybe the next person who is just nice. Thanks for the emptiness, and for the coldness, and for the anger and the pain and the tears that wont go away and the fucking dreams and preminissions that make me stay awake day after day, thanks for the laughter and the gifts you've given me, even though its material its what your saying that I see, thanks for the hugs and the kisses and all the little shit nobody else misses, thank for the open ears even if they dont listen, thanks for the veiw with bliss in the sea that is your eyes when they glisten, thanks for the support even though i really suck thanks for keeping up your front, thanks for being strong and coming back alive thank you so far for stayin by my side, thank you for letting me know your name thank you for letting me caress your face thank for all the things I didn't need but you got them for me anyway, thanks for not walking away even though I made you cry, thanks for letting me put a bright fucking future in my mind, thank you for killing my hope and shattering all my dreams, it doesn't mean anything without you anyway. Thank you so much for adding every expirence good or bad to my tab of life, thanks for seriously fucking with me, I want you to be my wife. |
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| Einstienium |
[May. 22nd, 2005|05:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Korn | ] |
Sorry but I don't have the right symbols.
LIFE = The absolute value of infiniti times the number of possibilities of perpetuation
DIVIDED BY # OF MOLES IN
H2O
/ \
H- C-O2
\ /
P-HCO2-I
/\ / \
/ MCa \
/ \
O2 H4 C p M3 Ca4 I3
TIMES total area of inhabitable space
Distributed by power of gravity in centrepicle force from a collective circumference of 12 billion miles
ADDED to collective weight of 60 billion tons.
Rotating at lightspeed to the power of three. |
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| Divine Hatred |
[May. 14th, 2005|03:34 am] |
A wick that carries a white flame, illuminates the depths of the darkest ash.
Painting a perfect portrait
of divine forgiveness
and burning hatred.
In my being is the improbability of both images in one frame.
A conflict of duality
An indecisive reality.
Is this caring for a heart that can no longer beat
or simply loving the ripe, red blood puddling at your feet? |
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| RASTA MAN! |
[May. 4th, 2005|01:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Start first, Skindred | ] |
Objects contain the possibility of all situations. The possibility of occuring in states of affair is the form of an object. Form is the possibility of structure.
-Wittgenstein
One has lost and one has loved
Be not at fault to get involved
Struck with feeling thats sickening
painful thoughts and memories its giving me
Still lost without context
each day is my complex, I'm sick of this nonsense
Just be honest, you want this...
Fucking
Misery in the seam of everything you dream
It's a god-damn lie each time you look at me
I wanna die inside
I wanna die inside
Look at me and tell me that your still here
Do you have something to say cuz I can feel your fear
and now you push me away
you just push me away
The silence non sense takes shape for instance into everything that was allways there
yet I, unaware, stare right at the edge of suspicion the end of my mission
and I'll fall as I mention
the premanition above
Your one loss, my one love |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2005|06:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pessimistic | ] |
I go on and lementing in my position
loud I cry, she still pays no attention.
Though the soul at my side, with words that cant hide
Became her thought, and my tension.
I want her to read and I want her to feel
All of the ideas that are making me ill.
With every lesson, she could force feed me medecine
untill I lie in her arms still.
She's feeding me disease, laughing behind her eyes
I would glady take it all, for how special she'd make demise
as my body is torn apart seperated from my heart
Now it is in her hands, staining the tears she cries.
All that I eat she can make sweet no matter how old or little
So she forages for oranges with maggots in the middle
Knowing me the weakling, she could bound and gag my soul
Doing things as i see her making me just a hole.
I was only pretty because she said so
I'm not anymore, just another fucking slide show.
The beauty and the smile, she's the endorphins that I lack
All the happiness I try to give, she only gives right back.
The deadening that satisfies my nerve endings
Is the ring that disentigrates her good feelings
I would like to be the man that brings her all the comfort
I'm just the coward turned to burden, that she helps support.
The evil thing is she can see how rediculous I am
Still she says shes loving me and doesn't give a damn
Trusting isn't easy when all I trust just leaves me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 5th, 2005|11:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
Anger, the number one way to express any and all emotions one may expierience. So there, I'm angry. Wouldn't everyone like to know whats eating me......no....no ya don't. I'm sick of bitching. I am now going to put energy into writing and nothing else. This may displease none of you, but Im going to do it anyway. But if anyone has some advice or even wants to help...I'm hurting...really...Its a wound that never ceases to bleed. Its not a pain everyone feels. Its a pain that fits perfectly into the nooks of every insecurity and fear and pain of mind. Can you all just hate me please, it'll make it guiltless to come to an easily forgetable end. Not tryin the emo depressed goth shit, it happens. I'm human, and despite how much I told you guys killing yourselves isn't the answer, it isn't. Im a different case. I have been living the eternal and obligated life of an angel. Death does not come easy for me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
Everyone just turned there backs on us. All the people we trusted and confided in, all gone. Sarahs mom even. She tells us we aren't thinking about the whole situation, then she mentions birth control to sarahs dad. She was the one who wanted nothing to do with the situation if the shit hit the fan. Its amazing how people will back you up untill then. No one has our back, we have eachother,that's good enough for me. So I'll cut it short, we need help, and I know you guys have helped me out beyond belief already without my payback, but I can't do anything untill I come back. We need to leave now, the both of us. I've got the plan, it just needs some helping hands....namely gnomey.....if I can get the money for you to come here will you do it? I'll just be waiting, but the time is getting really cut short. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2005|12:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  and sick | ] |
So Ron, the father of my girlfriend, works a shift at Boeing from 6:00pm to 2:30 am. Sarah asks me to stay with her for ten more minutes at 2 am. Well as comforting as she is I fell asleep. I wake up at 3 am trying to get my stuff together to leave. Ron catches me in the packing up process, then grabs me by my hair, throws me out into the hallway and continues to kick me in the ribs and the chest while I'm down on the ground. Then picking me up by my hair lays hit after hit to mostly the sides and back of my head...after a struggle of trying to get up and to the front door, he strangles me and slams my head repeatedly into the front door. All the while saying things like..50 bucks will get your head blown off anywhere! Do you understand...stay the fuck away from my daughter, if you come back here again, I'll kill you. Funny thing was both Sarah and I were fully clothed...soooooo someone was jumping to conclusions. And the best part is that in a little later today I am going over there to confront him, and possibly beat the fuck out of him...I hope I do....me and like 12 other people have soooooo much shit to use against him, and everyone is sick and tired of how he treats people, especially sarah. Wish me luck |
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| GNOME |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|03:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
Gnome GNOME GNOMEY GNOMEY!!!!
Okay you are coming here. See Sarah and I are getting the rest of the money to get a ticket for you to come out here, then when you get here we will already have two tickets for us both to go back, and it will work....your mom wanted me to just buy a ticket here and I figured that it would be a whole lot better if we rode the bus back...cuz it blows alone....so yeah....comment on THAT!!!! |
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| Rot away bitches....just rot away. |
[Feb. 7th, 2005|01:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rot Away, Turning point | ] |
Here I'm born another form, you and I search for something warm.
on the dead we will feed, until the blood dries and we are free.
{Born in the heart that seems to ROT AWAY ROT AWAY}
{Eat through skin to see the BETTER DAYS, BRIGHTER DAYS}
{We grow together as the FLESH DECAYS YOU AND I GET AWAY}
{I'll help you to...FLY AWAY FLY AWAY}
Leave this corpse with no remorse fuck the past and its open sores
There nothing else was tru except that I needed you
{chorus}
Fly away
Leave behind the days that make us cry
holding on tight as we get lost in the sky
we start a dig and burry lies
if this life is shit does that make us flies?
Want to see what we can be
save ourselves if nothing else
mouth to mouth let me out
be with me and I am free
to FLY
{Chorus} |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 1st, 2005|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Opening wide, Turning Point | ] |
MMMMMMMMMkay peeps. Im comin in febuary. Right now I'm working on lyrics for Rot away......it gonna be spethial. I am sooo in love you guys. It's really awsome. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|05:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Otep | ] |
Life encompasses all things of a realizable concience, and nothing is without an irreversable consequence, such is the being of time. In ill effect, the balance is shifted as the eyes of existance open, for reality is only life dreaming.
-Dr. Sunshine |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|07:34 pm] |
Okay pay very close attention. The name for the band is Cide...nothing else just cide....turning point is not tickling my balls at all, and since I'm far away ima say it straight out...TURNING POINT SUCKS!!!! Not the band.....just the name....so yeah....cide.......
peace out |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2005|08:33 pm] |
Woo hoo. Hey all. First off, lemme get an adress and I need you kyle...kyle my man...kyle guthrie...KYLE to get a hold of the new recordings and send them to me......PLEASE!!! Well this week was so cool! Come with me let me fill you in on the drama. Sarahs mom just found out two nights ago that sarah and I are sexually active....oh that was fun let me tell ya'! Well I am now going to planned parent hood tomorrow. It's okay now with her and it will be okay. So thats what is going on. I miss all of you.....so comment....BITCHES!!!!
PEACE OUT! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|08:15 pm] |
|
Allright I am doing fucking great. I got to sleep next to the person I love for the first time when I got here....yeah....best sleep EVER!! Im okay for anyone concerned....well fuck that....don't be...don't care...seriously stop its a major drag on me. When people care it makes it harder on me, so please just let me be. I miss you guys, and I don't have a definite date for my coming back...nevermind. Neways just checkin in with the lj crew. To ma band...you guys kick ass, please gnome relay to them somehow someway I am coming back and if they leave me while I am gone I will kill you. ALL OF YOU. Ima go be. Peace out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|07:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Well its over and I would like to thank all of you for your gifts, mostly of friendship, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys, and you know who you are.
Christmas was great! I got a shit load of presents. From the likes of a loofa, to a kick ass lamb of god t-shirt. My wardrobe is now an actually abundant one. I got a bunch of plain black t-s, White t-s, tank tops, socks galore, cd player, 2 sets of headphones, korn shirt, 3 new pairs of pants, hygene travel bag, duffle bag, cologn, deoderant,boots, hoodies, lighters, and much much more.
In just two days I am going back to washington for a vacation of sorts. Heading back into the chapter of my life that never seems to close, I think, I don't really want it to. Well ima go before the shit starts. I will be coming back towards the end of january. Peace out peeps. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2004|11:05 am] |
|
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! |
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| cRaZY rANTiNgs |
[Dec. 23rd, 2004|11:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Okay the drama, yeah, really pissing me off. Putting little *sighs* in your post ISN'T GOING TO MAKE ANYONE CARE!!! YOU SUCK, AND YOU ARE A DRAMA QUEEN...JUST STOP! Another thing, anyone who brings me into there little sick world of haggard affection, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! If you have problems between you and one of your peers DON'T DRAG ME INTO IT! I'm sick and tired of having to help someone out with problems based on my opinions. I'll tell you right now, the good majority of you are posers and suck. So if you ask me to help you with someone else, I'll tell you to say fuck them and do what you want. Everysingle one of you fuckers has some friend that is either a bad influence on you or makes your life worse than it needs to be. YOU WANT SOME FUCKING ADVICE WELL HERE IT IS, GET SOME FUCKING GOOD FRIENDS!! You think its love but its not, it's worthless drama, and mind games. FUCK EVERY ONE OF YOU WHO GETS THERE JOLLIES OFF MANIPULATION AND MIND GAMES...I REPEAT...FUCK YOU.
Let me list it off
1. You are not gothic no matter how depressed you try to act
2. People aren't giving you the attention you crave, they just nod there heads and rub your back uncomfertably until you go away.
3. You don't have any problems, you have families that take care of you. They buy you clothes, feed you, buy you cars, insurance...then you turn around, treat them like shit and try to say you have a bad home life....just no.
4. None of you are independant, get this straight right fucking now, get up and do it yourself! The people around you are NOT your fucking buttlers and maids.
Hows that for some advice? Stop acting like fucking children and subtle highschool cheerleaders. Fucking grow up and leave me alone. Please note, this does not apply to any one specific person nor group of people. Everyone needs this at one point in their life. So take it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|09:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pendulum, Diecast | ] |
You know what impresses me? When people talk about theological matters, or ideas. See I live by a rule for basic conversation.
Small minds discuss people
Average Minds discuss events
and great minds discuss ideas.
So when I post something about some whAcked out idea HOW ABOUT POSTING ANY ARGUMENTS OR AGREEMENTS! I'M TRYING TO START DECENT CONVERSATIONS HERE...........you people suck
dunno if I posted this already but it wouldn't hurt to be safe for the archive of art.
FALLS
With great understanding I am frementing, unearthing things to be.
But I don't deserve this, to flower the surface that seemingly burries me.
Seems I am unworthy to be not-so-dirty, JUST FILTH WITHOUT LIBERTY!
Through all my madness I'll stumble in sadness, still withstanding sorrow
Without the concept I'm careful of my step into the light of tomorrow
STILL NOT ROTTING!
No flower rises without RAIN
No strength endures without PAIN
With only pain and rain the only point...LIES ON A BLADE
I want to feel
NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING
Willing collapse of my vein in which you despise
you suffer the loss of reason with an ironic tear in your eyes.
Someone better move me cuz I don't want to wake up
everyones amused at why the fuck I gave up
Living ina get-up on a trip, better get a grip
Why do I cry inside but I bite my lip?
With self loathing I can't keep going onto the next day
Sick of this, play the game a masochist, and just fucking fade away
Despite all despise seen still I keep rising
For every sun rise I see I just live life DYING!
Without understanding I go on lementing, begrudging you or me.
But tears get so boring, don't bother to worry, pain is obligatory
Blinking at my wake, stiching up my face, loving the one who tore me
Build castle of my walls I stand while it falls, unhindered by the gashes
Crashings sounds covering all words of loving, while coveting the ashes
STILL NOT CHOKING!
No flower rises without RAIN
No strength endures without PAIN
With only pain and rain the only point, LIES ON A BLADE
I want to feel
NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING
Willing collapse of my vein inwich you despise
You suffer the loss of reason with an ironic tear in your eyes.
Now if anyone comments.....TRY SOME FUCKING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICIZM!! |
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| Ah the Holidays |
[Dec. 13th, 2004|06:11 am] |
So many different religions celebrating a time of thanks, and they all seem to believe one religion is not like the other.....THATS BULLSHIT! Why would they have so many similarities AND be at the same time of year? Lemme explain.
Before Christ man spoke the same language, whatever it was, and got along just fine. Man decided they wanted a way to reach heaven and decided to work together and build a tower to reach God, this was called Babel tower. For whatever reason God did not want Man just barging into his kingdom, so he made the men building the tower speak different languages, thus causing confusion and stoping the construction alltogether. This was when people still spoke directly to god. Afterwards the word of our lord was to be written in holy scripture to be passed around. As it is said God chose only a few to speak to, and sent a living form of himself to do the same. Throughout the thousands of years passed, the holy scripture was translated into different languages, and because the languages were so different it seemed as though the religion was as well. So all the different translations brought about about "different" holidays and traditions. In our supernatural reality they are actually all one in the same.
So in short, Happy Christmahunakwanzika to all of you......yeah. I hope I confused and/or cleared things up for a number of you. Thank you for your time, and remeber.......what am I thinking?! I'm not done ranting about my theological views.
-16th century after evolution of teutonic tongues arose the high-german speech of Luther, which embodied his translation of the bible. Romans learned of the Teutonic race about 100 B.C. The name teuton was given to all germanic tribes. (2) The english language is based on kindered dialects of teutonic conquerors from 14 centuries ago.
remember that biatches!!! |
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